What a day?

today is a bit tired.
since early morning .. woke up with bad dream.
then prepare to go 1 kinda event that i was unwilling to go. but by forced.~!

The 1st time seeing the president of this country very closely..nothing else..

after that event, still got appointment but has been canceled and postponed to monday..yay..unlucky day..not smoothy as I think..

Then,going home is so damn boring today than before I did..

The worst thing for to day is when I saw your face..
how I should try to be pleased by you? no way. I will not stand on your way if I am not wrong...even I am alone.. I will not stand on your way.
I am really in a bad mood today..really don't have energy to argue as there is no point..It's better leave me alone..

It is enough for me being myself..
I am really feeling unsatisfed, sad, blank, cold, dumb.

Chasing Pavements by Adelle

Music is my another window of mind. When I feel down, I am used to listen this song.
Listening to music is better than doing nothing and feeling burning.
anyway, I can release my sorrow on the music for a while though it's not the right way to solve the problem or to overcome the sorrowness.

Here you go, I hope you all will like it.


Best Wishes!

Unlucky Day

Today's unlucky day for me. Damn. I got school email leter that my lab test for 1 subject got D+..I am so so shocked and suprised when I saw that letter. I don't know whats wrong with me and the paper and him(lecturer).

Actually, lab test is quite easy and that's open book and everything's from the book.
I did well done on that paper. Besides, I double trible countless checked my answers and questions and even spellings and every single little things. but now, the result's not what I expected. I feel very sad feeling like crying in my chest.
I know may be he also can't be wrong and I also not too much terrible to get D+.
I emailed back to him to know what's my weakness in the test answers.
I hope that should be human error or typo error in email by him..
Regardless of my hard working, If i did the worst in that test, at least I should get C or C+ as some of my classmates who never attends and didn't know any single things about the subject got C or D+. So, I think I can't be too much wrong.
Right now I feel wierd. I don't know what should I do now. This week is my term break holidays week. I have to finish 2 assignments in this week but I really don't have energy to do it. I nearly want to give up and run away.

What's wrong?? what's wrong with it??


Please, I dont want to down MY GPA..

during these days, weather is damn hot..but now it's around 11:30 night and rain is starting to pour slowly..
suddenly i feel relax and become moody..so, i stop doing my work..and start writing this post..
i still remember that since i was young, i always sit infront of my room's corridor and hanging my legs down and let this heavy rain wet on my body..
some people who passed by my house looked at me and..said.."hey gal, be careful and you will be freezy and get flu.." hahaz..i didn't care..i only cared about rain..rain drop touching on my skin..

my friends also know i am crazy about rain. Most understand my like whereas some thought that i am so romantic and childish..
Nope, i am totally not romantic. 70% not childish. i also don't had those kinds of romantic stories in the rain.
i just simply love rain..simply love raining days and ignorantly like rainy season..

besides, i love coffee. i drunk coffee (rough coffee)before instant coffee. its too bitter..but i like it so much and drunk together with my parents every morning when i was young. In university life in my country, my addicted to coffee is too worse. everyday i drink more than 10 cup of coffee. i drink when i angry, i drink when i am sorry i drink when i am hungry...i drink when i am free. at that time, i change to drink to instant coffee because it's easy to drink..my parents always send a carton of coffee box twice a month and i also buy myself..the result is i can't sleep at night well. its the worst in the exam period..i can't memorize well because of not enough sleeping. i was shocked and i stopped suddenly drinking coffee. but i can't stand. i drunk again after few weeks but i reduced my drinking rate..but now i mostly drink whenever i feel buzy and down..

since last year, i change my drinking style, i don't drink the instant coffee directly..i put it on the hot plate for 10 mins before i drink..so the smell of coffee is so nice and really nice taste..

very strangely, all my exs including my love don't like coffee and rain and said i am crazy and they laugh..but as times go on, i change a bit and a bit..i tried to abandon these 2 things in my life..but it still not succeed..
i am born with these rain and coffee..i love i love it lotts..

14th June 2008

today, i am damn happy..
i got contact with my friend who're one of my close friends.
during these days, i am missing her so much and i keep sending email to her..but didn't get any reply..
luckly today she replied my email and said she rarely use internet there..
ohter than that, she will come here in August to work here..
at once, i am so happy..and don't know how to express my feeling but suddenlty all of the plans come into my mind if she come in august..my mind already planed out where to hang out with her if she is there..and so on so on..
she said she want to stay with me and ask for whether there is room available or not..
actually, there is no room for her, i will try to stay with her..
whatever, I am so happy if we both together again to have fun and make countless happy days...

love you my best friend..

Dang Ni by Cindy Wang

English lyrics

If one day I return to the past
return to the beginning of me
will you feel that I'm not bad?
If one day I leave you for a far place
could no longer meet you
will you feel that I have said goodbye?

* When you narrow your eyes for a smile
when you drink Coke, when you make noise
I want to treat you well, but you never know
thinking of you has became my hobby

# When you spoke of today's worries
when you said you could not sleep at night
I wanted to tell you but I am afraid I say it wrongly
I like you very much, do you know that?

If one day dream comes true
Memories has became forever, will you still remember today
If one day we feel that
Actually anything is possible
No matter if it will stay here or not

(repeat)　＊,＃

Maybe emptiness caused me to think too much
Maybe I should return to my quilt, we will meet in my dream
Then I will not hesitant to tell you loudly what I want to say

(repeat)　＊

la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la
I wanted to tell you but I am afraid I say it wrongly
I like you very much, do you know that?
la la la la la　 la la la la la


since i listened to that song, the lyrics really sink into my mind..
i love it..
I hope you all also will like that song.

The End

during these days,things are happening without even notice and after i know when i noticed about it, it's too late already. but i didn't feel any regret for it because i prepared for how to be stray away from hurt since I saw the reality in your eyes..but it hit me a bit and made me speachless for few days..
there is so much i wish to tell you..but no more chance..let it be..but at least, i am still me after realising everything. yeah i m still me..I will not pretend i am ok..but I m really fine and ok..i m trying more and more..coz I want to show you it's really me..I want you to see me I am on the right track with my head up..
this is the last time i make my feeling into ashes to blow away..I will not remember that we were happy once..I will not remember we had fight and tears..you are not me and I will not be your part anymore for all the changes you made and all the ignorance i made..
I will not lead myself into bottomless hole..andI learn i know words and promises doesn't work for me..you push me to become i am more and more hard to believe in something or someone else..Yes I am and I will be to become like this because I don't want any painfulness..so you will not see me i am crying behind...
No more no less..everything's done..and i m on my way and have brighter days..YEAH!!

Alive again

my last blog's already gone. I was damn buzy with my stuffs.
and now when I tried to log in my blog, I already forgot my password and..this admin sent the password recovery to my 2nd email account but that 2nd email account which I never used since long long ago..
so just started to create a new blog as I am a bit free and like to write post to share..

I am alive again.